As Singapore prosper and grow, the size and diversity of its populace keep pace. The Singaporean culture is best described as a melting pot of various ethnic and racial groups made up of mainly Chinese, Malay, Indian and Eurasian cultures which is a reflection of its immigrant history. However, it is inevitable for conflicts and misunderstandings to arise when people from different cultural norms come together and interact in their own comfortable ways. Sometimes, unintentional meanings may be conveyed through their words or actions that might result in unpleasantries for both parties.
A recent trip to the Singapore Pools by an Indian friend of mine, Abhiram, highlighted the exact scenario. The incident happened while he was in the queue at the soccer betting booth. As I was accompanying him in the queue, I ended up being involved in the conflict as well. It was a weekend and the queue at the betting booth was rather long and moving quite slowly. Abhiram was getting impatient and started complaining about the long wait. Just at that moment, he saw an empty space in front of the man queuing just ahead of us. The man, probably in his fifties, was busy checking his betting tickets and did not realise that the queue ahead of him has moved. Immediately, Abhiram casually pat on the man’s shoulder to alert him about it. When the man turned back, Abhiram nonchalantly signaled him to move forward.
However, to our surprise, the man glared at him with a fiery stare and livid expression. He then hurled some vulgarities in Hokkien at Abhiram. I was extremely shocked and frightened by him. Abhiram, who felt that he did not do anything wrong, was of course very angry at the man’s reasonable scolding and shouted at him, “What’s your problem?! I’m only asking you to move forward because you’re holding up the queue!” The man got even more agitated and roared back, in mandarin, "Why did you touch my shoulder?! Then now how am I going to strike 4D tonight?!”
Instantly, I vaguely recalled hearing somewhere that it is a taboo to tap someone’s shoulder because it is believed by the Chinese that such an act would bring bad luck. I quickly apologised to the man and told him politely that as Abhiram is an Indian, he is not aware that he is not supposed to do that. I hastily explained the taboo to Abhiram and he was then highly bewildered by it. Fortunately, with our sincere apologies, the man was finally appeased and the conflict was resolved. Even then, during the rest of the wait in the queue, he did not stop throwing glares at Abhiram.
After the incident, I went home and consulted my parents about the taboo. They told me that according to the Chinese’s belief, everyone has 3 flames guarding them so as to bring good fortune and also to ward off evil spirits. The 3 flames are located one on each shoulder and another on the forehead. The tapping on one’s shoulder is believed to be able to actually “extinguish” the flames, hence bringing bad luck. That is why the Chinese is especially sensitive to pats on the shoulders when he or she is gambling or during the Hungry Ghost Festival. This a cultural belief that is especially practised by the older generation of Chinese who are more superstitious. That was when I fully understood what had led to the man’s anger and confrontational attitude.
From this small anecdote, it shows the importance for us living in a multi-cultural society to be more aware of our little actions and words that might mean otherwise to someone from a different cultural background. Intercultural communication is more than just effective communication between cultures, it is also a manner of showing tact and respect.
Hello Hsiao Wei
ReplyDeleteInteresting post! Coincidentally, I found out about this Chinese superstition just this year during the Hungry Ghost Festival. This is a perfect example of intercultural ignorance, and I'm glad you brought it up for everyone to have a read. In fact, when it comes to the Hungry Ghost Festival, it isn't just about the bad luck. If someone pats your shoulder and extinguishes your "flame", it is said that you are more easily possessed by ghosts as you would have lost your natural protection.
I'm glad you managed to resolve the conflict before tempers flared up uncontrollably. I guess such incidents are bound to happen all the time, especially when we can't expect every one of us to know every single taboo and superstition of other Singaporean cultures. Although some may feel that the Chinese man overreacted, we cannot fault gamblers for believing strongly in luck just as we cannot stop religious people from believing wholly in their God(s).
Perhaps one important lesson we can all pick out is to respect everyone's personal space. No matter the situation, bodily contact should always be a last resort. If your friend had attempted to speak to the Chinese man first, the incident could probably have been avoided. So remember, keep your hands to yourself! Regardless how pretty the other party may be. ;)
Ming Yi
Hi Hsiao Wei,
ReplyDeleteI also have a Chinese friend (same age as me) who is very sensitive to people tapping her shoulder, as she believes that tapping her shoulder will cause her good luck to evaporate and that bad luck will fall upon her. I realised it because there was once when I tapped on her shoulder to show encouragement, she reacted negatively. So from that experience I learnt that different cultural beliefs exist even among people of the same race. If we have difficulty understanding other cultural beliefs of people of the same race as us, I guess it would be even more difficult for Abhiram.
There are various cultural differences which I think we have to learn in order to minimise conflicts with others. I believe that many of us are still not very clear about the cultures of other cultural groups, so I think it would be good if we can try to learn more from our friends of different cultural groups about their beliefs and acceptable practices, just like how Abhiram learnt from you. However, it would be better if we can learn before any conflict arises. I believe Abhiram tried to ask you more about Chinese culture after the incident right.
Hi Ming Yi
ReplyDeleteIt is true that to some people, it may seem like the Chinese man had overreacted. However, like most of those who are very superstitious, such a belief has probably been told to him since young and had been deeply ingrained in him. This has probably been integrated into his lifestyle as a habit or strong belief, explaining his sensitivity and instant big reaction towards the pat on the shoulder.
I guess at the end of the day, we still need to understand that everyone of us, regardless of race, culture, religion or language, have our own beliefs, values and traditions that are different from others and strongly guarded by us. Therefore, intercultural communication is very important in respecting others and promoting a harmonious environment for all cultures to coexist.
Hi Leng Duei
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that there are indeed differences in beliefs and values among people of the same race or culture. This could probably be due to differences in their upbringings, lifestyles and education. It is hence important that we do not assume that intercultural difference is the only factor that may cause conflicts among people, but interpersonal difference may also contribute in part to conflicts.
For instance, in the Singapore context, two persons from the same race or culture group but of different educational status may have diverse views on issues such as superstitions, values on relationships and etc. Hence, we should be tactful even when communicating with people from the same race or culture group because that would involve basic human respect too. :)